Now that we are 3 month exactly into chemo, it’s time for me to share my perspective on the past and present. And, of course, talk about the future of our family. It has been an incredibly difficult journey for me and the girls. It tested our patience, tolerance, strength, will, love, sleep, emotional and physical health. We all had to adjust and make sacrifices, saying we went through the test is understating it. But no matter how much I can talk about us and our contributions, this is about Leslie. While we all felt effects of her sickness, she is the one who is fighting cancer. To make a sports analogy… We ALL are on the sideline watching and cheering her on. We have her Gatorade, towels and playbook but she has to fight it one on one. We can’t take away her pain, we can’t take punches for her. At times we feel like we are not helping much, I myself experienced many self-guilt nights and days. You can’t not to feel pain (yes, double negative …) for someone you love.
But the truth is that this blog and this fight is not about me, girls, Sophie the dog or any of our family & friends. It’s about Leslie and her fight. She has always been an emotional leader of her family, Leslie’s love is super strong and she has so many ways to show it to people who are close to her. The cancer took away her energy but it never took her spirit of love. She still gets up at 6AM to do girl’s hair before school, she loves to cook when she can to feed our family. She keeps the girls on top of their chores and helps all of us with laundry and cleaning. She remains the center of our family even through sickness, sometimes she doesn’t like it and tells me to take the lead. I try, I try and I try. The fact is that she is the true leader of this family and I have accepted it. Our girls need to see powerful woman who, even in her sickness, leads and shows positive examples. Leslie is not perfect, neither are we. Life is full of imperfections but isn’t what makes the life on earth in the first place? There are no perfect humans… as my dear friend Steve taught me: there are people who pee in their wet suite and there are people who say they don’t. A quote from my uncle Vladimir who is a rocket science genius: everybody poops. What am I trying to say with all these quotes… life is not about trying to be perfect. Life is about living, making mistakes and experiencing every emotion we are capable of.
Watching Leslie through her fight made me re-evaluate my life and what is really important. It’s not the toys, cars, houses or vacations. It’s about experiences, love and trust. It’s about being able to count on someone unconditionally, through your worst times in life. I have tried to be that person for Les, at times I failed and other times I knocked it out of the park. I made so many mistakes trying to do right things but I still try and I will continue to try. Because I believe in our love, family and friends.
Now for the future… sorry to disappoint you but I can’t predict the future. I don’t know the winning lottery numbers or stock fluctuations, can’t predict earthquakes or hurricanes. But what I know is that Leslie will beat this cancer, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind. I proud of her fight and privileged to be by her side during this journey.
And here is the view from my chair during chemo. Enough said…
